Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
