What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
even my farts smell like vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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