oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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