K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
