did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
