ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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