How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
