I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
