ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
