How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
