Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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