So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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