I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
