What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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