i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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