I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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