Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am one with the molecules
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
