My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
