I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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