Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
