babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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