she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
