cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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