All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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