My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
