You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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