Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
