I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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