I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
