It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
