all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
