I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
