Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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