she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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