I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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