Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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