also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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