We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
