Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
