So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
