In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
