you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
