Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
