I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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