how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
