he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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