too bad you live with your parents still
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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