I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
