We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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