i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
