I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
