Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
